Good Manners Make a Great Marriage (2 of 4)
January 8, 2010 at 11:14 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: Good Manner
Q: I get embarrassed when my husband talks with his mouth full when we are at dinner with friends. it makes me want to craws under the table. I’ve mentioned this habit to him many times, but he just shrugs. Help!
A: You will find your husband’s behavior a lot easier to bear if you remember to repeat the following mantra: “He is not me. He is not me. He is not me.” Because, you know what? He’s not you.
In marriage, much of life falls into the “we” category. Boundaries mark those areas reserved exclusively for “I.” sometimes those boundaries are physical—my dressing table, his workshop—but often they are psychological, expressions of our individual personality style. Respecting each other’s distinct style, even when you don’t care for it, is at the heart of love.
You are cringing not only because you have blurred boundaries and feel your husband’s table manners reflect on you (they don’t), but because you know they reflect on him (they do), and you want him to be the best he can be. You’ve told him, though, and as a loving friend, that’s all you can do.
Q: My husband is as sweet as a lamb until he gets behind the wheel of a car. Then he turns into a monster! He cuts off other cars and honks when they’re not going fast enough to suit him. He curses other drivers, and sometimes even tailgates them. How can I get him to stop?
A: Your husband is an accident waiting to happen. If you’ve spoken to him and he still acts out his frustration in this dangerous way, all you can do is protect yourself and your family. Pleasantly, but absolutely firmly, refuse to drive with him. Tell him that either you do the driving or you’ll get a ride with a friend, talk public transportation, or not go.
The person driving is responsible for the safety and well-being of his passengers. Your husband is not up to that responsibility, and it’s time you both stopped pretending he is.
Good Manners Make a Great Marriage (1 of 4)
January 7, 2010 at 11:21 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: Good Manner, Great Marriage
Good morning everyone. In a married life, good manners must always be present. When good manners are always the priority of husband and wife, the marriage will always be a great one.
Familiarity can sometimes make you and your mate a bit less attractive to each other than you otherwise might be. Yet one simple change—remembering your manners at home, as well as with outsiders, can be just what’s needed to soothe the abrasions of everyday intimacy. So if you’re pining for just one “please” or “thank you” from your spouse, here’s how to encourage him to observe the little niceties.
Q: My husband never says “please or “thank you”. I resent it when he issues an order—“Take these suits to the cleaners”—and then never thanks me for doing it. Any advice?
A: Saying “please” and “thank you” is a pleasant habit that is either deeply engrained in childhood or laboriously learned as an adult. Your husband is an old dog who needs to learn this new trick.
We learn new behaviors by reminder, reward and repetition. Help your husband by telling him (again) that without “please” you feel you’ve been ordered instead of asked, and without “thank you” you feel unappreciated. Then ask him what would be the best way for you to help him establish this new habit.
For example, you might use the old, “What’s the magic word?” technique that prompts five-year-olds to learn it. or respond, “Yes, your Highness,” when he gives an order. Some wives tug one of their ears to signal, “Hey, I’m not a servant. I’m a friend!”
Use whatever works, but be diligent about your reminders and lavish with you appreciation when he improves. And remember, “please” and “thank you” count for a lot, but his loving spirit counts for more.
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