Raised Well-Adjusted Children (2 of 2)
June 6, 2010 at 7:16 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: Apprehension, BBaon for School, Child's Fear, Chores
Good morning everyone. Let me continue the second part of my article about raising well-adjusted children. Here it is …
While teaching the child to do specific chores, make them look fun. When teaching him how to clean the house, give him his personal broom and rag. When preparing his baon for school, teach him to wrap his sandwich with a paper napkin or wax paper, or stir the milk or juice drink. These little games will go a long way not just in teaching the child the meaning of responsibility and self-reliance, but also in making him more eager to attend school.
Adjusting to a new environment like school is often difficult for most children, particularly, younger children. Apprehension or fear is not unusual when a child is going to school for the first time. Most often, your child’s fear stems from being left alone where he no longer feels secure, where people feed and care for him and where he is the center of his own safe universe.
Giving a child simple household chores and teaching him to trust his own capabilities can make the adjustment easier. Once a child learns to trust himself in small things, trusting himself in the bigger things—like going to school, meeting “teacher” and “classmates” and other new people—becomes easier.
When your child discovers the meaning of responsibility and self-reliance early in life, he deepens his understanding of what it takes or live a comfortable and orderly life; learns that some things must be done, that all the family member must share in the workload equally, and that doing chores together strengthens the bond among family members. He learns to put value on extending and receiving help. More importantly, he learns to trust himself.
Once armed with that self-confidence, there is simply nothing that your child cannot do, no environment that he cannot conquer.
Parents’ spats not good for kids
March 4, 2010 at 12:42 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: Kids, Parents
Good morning everyone. Children who worry a lot about conflicts between their parents are more likely to have problems in school, according to a new study.
The study, conducted by researchers at the University of Rochester, Syracuse University, and the University of Notre Dame, found that this happens because such kids have more difficulty paying attention to the tasks before them.
This study is one of the first to chart how children”s concerns about their parents” relationship may increase their vulnerability to later adjustment problems.
For the study, researchers looked at a group of 216 predominantly White 6-year-olds, their parents, and their teachers annually over a three-year period.
Children were evaluated to determine their negative thoughts and worries about how their parents got along, based on how they completed unfinished stories about conflicts between parents.
Teachers reported on children”s ability to get along with their classmates and take part in class activities, and on their behaviour as a measure of how they had adjusted to school.
Specifically, they were asked whether the children were cooperative with peers, followed teachers” directions, used classroom materials responsibly, and usually acted appropriately.
Children”s attention problems were assessed through reports by parents and computerized measures of how they were able to focus and sustain attention.
The researchers found that kids who had concerns about how their parents got along had more attention problems a year after the concern was first identified, according to the study.
These attention problems, in turn, were linked to reports by teachers that the children had problems adjusting to school in the same year and one year later.
Attention difficulties accounted for an average of 34 percent of the relationship between children”s worries about their parents and school problems.
In many cases, children”s negative thoughts were based on witnessing actual relationship problems between parents, and the study suggests that the children may have used the negative thoughts to help them cope with stress in high-conflict homes. – The Times of India
The study appears in the September/October 2008 issue of the journal Child Development.
Kid’s ability to remember depends on mom
March 1, 2010 at 12:37 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: Kids|Parenting, Memory, Mother
Good morning everyone. They kids have very sharp minds. Yes, I believe in that. But kids ability to remember depends on their mom.
A new study has revealed that moms play a crucial role in how their children develop advanced cognitive abilities.
Executive functioning is a set of advanced cognitive functions—such as the ability to control impulses, remember things, and show mental flexibility—that help us plan and monitor what we do to reach goals.
Although it speedily develops between ages 1 and 6, the new research led by University of Montreal and the University of Minnesota researchers has shown that mothers have a crucial role to play.
The researchers looked at 80 pairs of middle-income Canadian moms and their year-old babies.
It turns out that the ways moms act when they’re playing and solving puzzles with their babies can explain some of the differences in children’s development of executive functioning.
Children of moms who answered their children’s requests for help quickly and accurately; talked about their children’s preferences, thoughts, and memories during play; and encouraged successful strategies to help solve difficult problems performed better at a year and a half and 2 years on tasks that call for executive skills than children of moms who didn’t use these techniques in interacting with their youngsters.
“The study sheds light on the role parents play in helping children develop skills that are important for later school success and social competence,” said Annie Bernier, professor of psychology at the University of Montreal and the study’s lead author. – The Times of India
The study appears in journal Child Development.
Behavior – Q & A
February 26, 2010 at 2:39 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: Behavior, Good Behavior
Our second child, who is two, has cerebral palsy, and though his intelligence is normal, he’ll be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. His 5-year-old brother keeps saying, “When Evan gets better…” We don’t want to mislead him, but is he ready for the harsh truth?
Trying to protect kids from major loss and trauma often backfires, say Barbara Coloroso, author of Parenting Through Crisis Helping Kids in Times of Loss , Grief, and Change (HarperResource). “Knowledge the truth may be frightening, but it’s much scarier not to know.” Explain simply what cerebral palsy is, using the real medical terms along with drawings. That way, he can be a buffer for his little brother, which will give him something positive to do. “Knowledge is power, and the words you give him now will be a part of his life story.” He needs to know what his brother will be able to do (“Evan’s not going to be able to run and play, but he’s going to grow and develop and love you and fight will you”) as well as what the doctors are doing to help him. He also needs to know that it’s O.K. for him to do things that this brother can’t do. most of talk, he needs your humor and your optimism.
Stay-at-home parents are most stressed
February 23, 2010 at 2:33 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: Home, Parents, Stress
Good morning friends. Do you believe that if parents stayed at home they are most likely stressed. Yes, sometimes it is right. Parents do get stressed with their kids. We all know kids are so playful. They run around, climb up anywhere, play with mud and many others. With that parents do get stressed for controlling their kids.
Parents who stay at home and look after the household are the most stressed out, a new UK study claims.
According to a research conducted by Mindlab Organisation, mothers or fathers who do household chores are more frazzled than those with traditionally high-pressure jobs, like city trading, teaching or nursing.
Stress levels were investigated in British adults as per their “work” roles – stay-at-home parents, taxi drivers, teachers, nurses and city dealers.
The conclusion was reached by measuring levels of the stress hormone cortisol throughout an average working day. It was found that stay-at-home parents proved to be the most under pressure. Nurses ranked second in the list, followed by the traders, then teachers and finally, taxi drivers.
A bio-monitoring equipment was used to measure and record the heart rate and skin conductance. The participants were connected to the equipment and tested over a seven-hour period.
Also, samples of saliva were taken at crucial junctures during the day to measure cortisol, which is a direct indicator of stress. “The key here is the degree of control each of these professionals feel able to exercise over their lives,” the Daily Express quoted Dr David Lewis, who was part of the research, as saying.
“Stay-at-home parents receive little or no specific training and are furthermore typically isolated from other adults for much of the day,” he added.
Psychologist Jenni Trent Hughes said: “The answer is simply to be selfish and take some time out. After 21 years of running around after the family, pets, supermarket and the house, women have earned it.
“If you’re not taking care of your- self then how can you properly take care of anyone else?
“If you’re ratty or short-tempered, tired or at your wits’ end how can you possibly be the best you can be for your partner, children, family and last but definitely not least yourself?” – The Times of Inida
How to fight fair (2 of 2)
January 20, 2010 at 8:13 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: Fair Fight
Good morning friends. This is the last part of my article. I wish you are still following me.
Ask questions. When you sit down for your summit, introduce your topic generally and gently—and don’t make demands right away. Instead of saying, “You have to let me go camping!” say, “I wanted to talk about the camping trip,” Then ask questions like “Are you still against my going? Why?” Hopefully you’ll be prepared with smart, well-planned responses.
Watch your words. No mom in the history of motherhood has ever said yes after being accused of incurable lameness (“You never let me do anything!”) or getting compared with another person. So don’t tell you mom that her opinions are wrong; instead, tell her what you do right. The trick: before you say anything, mentally rewrite sentences that start with “you” to begin with “I.” So “You treat me like a baby” would become “I’m responsible now, and I show you that because I always come home exactly when I say I will.” This trick will likely keep her (and therefore you) from yelling at each other, which is good; the softer your voice, the more likely she is to hear it.
Know when to back off. If nothing is changing your mom’s mind, let her “win” the argument—for now. Giving in doesn’t mean she’s right; it just means that you’re looking ahead. Every fair fight—including every graceful loss—is money in Mom’s Good Impression Bank. And once she sees how maturely you can conduct yourself in an argument, she’ll realize that you’re becoming a responsible adult—and she’ll start giving you more freedom. Remember: When you fight fair, you may lose a battle or two. But you’ll always win the best thing of all: Mom’s respect. – Lynn Harris
How to fight fair (1 of 2)
January 19, 2010 at 1:55 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: Fighting Fair
Good morning everyone. Kids now a days learn much to defend their selves if they think they are right. How to fight fair?
. . . and still win! Expert negotiate tricks show you how.
Choose your clashes. List everything you and Mom have been bickering about in the past few weeks in one of these two columns. Annoying and intolerable. Next time you’re about to flip out over something on the “annoying” list, remember what’s on the “intolerable” list—and bite your tongue! Your mom wont know your true priorities if you throw the same fit about not getting to use the car on a random. Night as you do when she won’t let you go to prom. Deciding what’s worth battling about in the first place is the only way to let your mom know what’s most important to you.
Be prepared. You go into battle with pointy weapons, but you go into peace talks with good points. So once you figure out what’s worth fighting for (number one on the “intolerable” list), start planning your brilliant responses. Think: Last time we fought about this issue, what was her objection? Now think: Instead of just disagreeing, what creative alternative or solution can I suggest? If she said, “I don’t have time to cook separate meals for you,” you could say, “I’ll shop and cook for myself if that helps.”
Time it right. Approach your mom when her ears and mind are open. If you pick a busy time, she’ll say, “Can’t you see I’ve got my hands full?” Also, don’t ambush her (like when she’s running late for a meeting) to get a quick yes. She won’t fall for it, and she’ll be less inclined to listen next time. Your best bet: Schedule time to talk.
End of Part 1
QUIZ: How open are you with your mom?
January 16, 2010 at 11:43 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: Mom
You may be telling her too little . . . or too much!
1. You just went out with your dream guy and had the most incredible good-night kiss. You:
[a] Tell your mom the date was “fine” when she asks.
[b] Run into your room and start IMing your friends.
[c] Immediately tell your mom the details. After all, she knows how excited you were about the date.
2. You owe a fine to the school library, and your grades won’t be sent home until you pay. When your mom asks where you report card is. You:
[a] Tell the truth (even though she’ll be disappointed) and ask for a little loan.
[b] Launch into a tirade about the inefficiency of the U.S. Postal Service.
[c] Say you’ll straighten it out tomorrow (then borrow cash from your friend).
3. Your brother teases you about something private—something you only told your mom. You:
[a] Tell her you’re very upset she didn’t keep your secret.
[b] Decide to give her the silent treatment.
[c] Say nothing, but resolve never to confide in her again.
4. Your best friend got suspended for planning a senior prank at school, and you went over to her house to cheer her up. When Mom asks where you’ve been, you say:
[a] “At Kara’s house.”
[b] “At Kara’s house. She had a really bad day.”
[c] “At Kara’s house. She got suspended today for planning a senior prank.”
5. You overhear your parents saying the words “move” and “summer.” You:
[a] Drop some major hints with Mom (“Any summer plans?”) so she’ll open up.
[b] Confide your fears to your best friend but keep your lips zipped at home.
[c] Fess up that you were eavesdropping and ask if you should start packing.
6. The local art gallery calls—they want to display one of your paintings! You:
[a] Totally forget to tell your mom until the gallery calls your house weeks later.
[b] Run into your mom’s room and tell her the news.
[c] Casually tell your mom a few days later after all the details are figured out.
7. You’re starting to think about maybe having sex, and you want to consider going on the Pill. So you:
[a] Tell your mom that you’re having bad cramps and need to see the gyno.
[b] Call Planned Parenthood and go to the appointment with one of your friends.
[c] Tell Mom the truth and ask for her expert advice. She’ll want to help.
8. your mom models her new, way-too-tiny tankini and asks you how she looks. You say:
[a] “Fabulous”—then buy her a long cover-up.
[b] “The color’s great, but tankinis are out this season.”
[c] “Sorry, Mom, I think you’d look better in another style of suit. Let’s go shopping this week.”
9. Your best friend got suspended for planning a senior prank at school, and you went over to her house to cheer her up. When Mom asks where you’ve been, you say:
[a] Hang around your mom saying, “I know a secret,”
[b] Run in and tell your mom right away. After all, she would do the same for you.
[c] Keep the secret—even though it’s so difficult.
S C O R I N G
| 1 | a) 2 | b) 1 | c) 3 |
| 2 | a) 3 | b) 1 | c) 2 |
| 3 | a) 3 | b) 2 | c) 1 |
| 4 | a) 1 | b) 2 | c) 3 |
| 5 | a) 2 | b) 1 | c) 3 |
| 6 | a) 1 | b) 3 | c) 2 |
| 7 | a) 2 | b) 1 | c) 3 |
| 8 | a) 1 | b) 2 | c) 3 |
| 9 | a) 2 | b) 3 | c) 1 |
CLOSED (9 to 15 points) You need to open up and start and trusting your mom. Most likely, your honesty will help you earn her respect—and more freedom. If you’re scared, just tell her stuff about your life gradually to see how she responds.
CAUTIOUS (16 to 21 points) You deal with issues head-on, but you don’t share all the details. Just come out and tell her what you’re thinking or what you want. When yo’re open with her, she’ll be honest with you, and you’ll learn about her as a person.
CANDID (22 to 27 points) You and your mom are best friends, and if that works, great! But be prepared for the consequences of telling her everything. One day you might regret giving her too much info (especially if it’s dirt about someone else). – Roni Cohen-Sandler
Pull-Ups Training Pants
January 13, 2010 at 11:42 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTags: Training Pants
Kids are like camels. Until you get in the car.
The dreaded car ride. When you begin toilet training it can be tempting to switch back to diapers at times like these. Here’s a tip. Once you’ve made the leap from diapers to Pull-Ups Training Pants. It’s important to be consistent. The fact is, switching back and forth to diapers can confuse your child and actually slow down potty training progress. So whether it’s a tips to the mall, or on those long rides to Grandma’s, try not to switch back to diapers. While success may not happen instantly (and you’ll probably see a lot of gas station restrooms), stick with Pull-Ups all the time and it will definitely pay off down the road. Even the one to Grandma’s house. Visit parentstages.com — the best of the web for every parenting stage. Powered by Pull-Ups.com.
Good Manners Make a Great Marriage (4 of 4)
January 10, 2010 at 10:20 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentQ: My husband always get to work on time, but when it comes to a family commitment—our daughter’s soccer game, our son’s piano recital—he’s always late. What can I do?
A: Your husband doesn’t have a lateness problem so much as a priority problem work is clearly his first priority. Family events are treated as half-hearted obligations. That’s what you need to talk about. Call an open family meeting where the topic is dad’s partial presence. Find out how the kids feel when dad shows up half-way through a game or a performance. His late arrivals may bother you more than they bother them. As long as one parent is there form the opening bell, and the other shows his face eventually, some kids are perfectly satisfied.
Let your husband talk about his professional demands. Find out what priorities interfere with his being at a family event. Once you conflicting needs are aired, compromise. Maybe his timely presence is more crucial at some events than at others. Your husband might make wiser choices if he were fully informed about each of your priorities. He could also agree to set realistic arrival times so that you aren’t constantly disappointed.
Instead of stewing or complaining, you will have given your whole family a lesson in how a close-knit group can lovingly handle a family problem. – Judith sill, Ph.D
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