My Focus on Family Life and Parenting

It’s about time we did something to make this Holiday season different from the past years.  Let’s create a new Holiday season tradition for the whole family that should open the eyes of our children to what really a season is;  a time to give, a time to share, a  time to reach out, a time to touch hearts—not always with people whom we love a all our lives, but more so with those who have not had anyone to give to him, share with him, reach out to him and touch his heart.

How do you do it?  here are some pointers:

♦  Plan for this new Holiday Season family tradition as you would for a big event.  Weeks before the season, announce to your family that you intend to make this year’s Holiday Season different by establishing a new tradition:  the whole family will visit an orphanage, a resettlement area for the victims, or some other charitable institution housing our needy brothers and sisters.  Explain to them that the idea is to be able to share your family’s blessings with the less fortunate, and hence make their season more meaningful and memorable.  Be prepared to answer all possible questions about the plan.

♦  Once you get your children’s support for the project (and don’t stop trying until you do), tell them your general plans for it, and ask for ideas and suggestions on how they want it to be.  Be open to whatever they suggest, and respond positively by saying, “We’ll see if we can do that…”  instead of “That’s not practical…”

♦  Involve everyone in the preparations.  After making the announcement, let everyone know that each of them has a task to do in preparing for this first-of-its- kind family activity.  Give them a run-down of the different tasks to be done and ask each of them to choose where they would want to help—making arrangements with the orphanage or some other charitable institution to settle the date of the visit, collecting old toys and old clothes, preparing food giveaways, or whatever else you might include in your plan.  Of course, the younger kids will just be expected to help out while the older ones can be given the responsibility to bigger tasks. 

Good morning friends.  I’m sure by this time everybody are busy planning what’s the best thing will they have this holiday season.  Everybody is preparing for the food they will serve, the clothes they will use, the place where will they celebrate the season and others.  But with others they want to prepare the more meaningful holiday season.

When we talk of Holiday Season, it’s a tradition,  the gatherings of all the family members are almost always the first to come to mind—when the entire family, with the extended ones and all, gather together on a sumptuous fare of the season’s best foods, after which  each one finally gets to open his fits that had lain under the Seasons free for days. 

The Holiday Season offers the perfect occasion to express and give life to the very values that hold a family together—giving, sharing, talking, celebrating, and just being close together, while feeling the presence of God.

Although Holiday Season is still widely practiced, many parents now lament that the celebrations in their families have become quite predictable, almost like a yearly routine that somehow loses meaning each year.  Holiday Season has become a mere occasion for social gatherings of relatives and friends, and a time to party, and a time to enjoy.

Of course, the Holiday season is all that, but to focus on the merry-making aspect of the  celebration might pass on the wrong values to our children.  They will grow up associating Holiday season with good food, good clothes, and good times—which altogether give season a shallow and superficial meaning.

Q:  My children have become thoroughly modernized, forgetting to use traditional Filipino words of respect like “po” and “opo”.  How do we inculcate this in them as a habit?

A:  As in all things, set a good example for them.  Whenever you talk to elders, let them hear you using “po” and “opo”.  When they forget it in their own speech, correct them, but always do it gently.  If you use “po” and “opo” and “opo” often enough, it will become habit.

Q:  I am what you call “mainitin ang ulo”, probably a reaction to the pressure of office work and house work combined.  Because of this, I often get mad at my son and shout at him.  Occasionally, when I lose control, I spank him.  What effect, if any, will this have on him later?

A:  Don’t worry.  What yu are feeling is normal  parents occasionally speak harsh words or even spank the child.  But to be effective, anger must be expressed sparingly and, if at all, fairly.  If you engage in it too often, th child will feel rejected, unloved and worst, get immuned.  He may also become rebellious.  Exercise some control.  Warn your child when you ar on the verge of an outburst.  When you have calmed down, reassure him that you are a loving parent and that even when you are angry, you sill love him.

Q: I have four children who ar close in age, and they often fight among themselves over toys or clothes.  Sometimes, the fights even get violent.  How does a parent deal reasonably with sibling rivalry?

A: Sibling rivalry or jealousy among brothers and sisters is al most universal.  This happens in practically every family.  One solution is always try to be just and fair.  Avoid showing favoritism to one child.  When applying rules, such as rules about bedtime, to one child, apply them to all.  Even when administering punishment for misdeeds, be fair.  Always remind them of the advantages of affection and cooperation among brothers and sisters a against the unhappiness brought about by fighting and squabbling.  Be patient and understanding.  Creating a bond of affection and trust among your children is always worth the time and effort.  There is no greater satisfaction than having a family whose members truly care for each other.

Do not make him feel that he will lose your love because he cannot meet a certain standard.  Often. This loss of parental approval and need for immediate solace drive many children and young people into the arms of drug users and pushers, and lead them to a life of disaster.

Aside from knowing your child’s friends, get to know his role models too.  Familiarize yourself with his interests.  Encourage him to pursue new ones, and get involved in them too, if possible.

Sports is a good idea.  Sports figures with health—conscious, active and drug—free lifestyles, like basketball stars Robert Jaworski and Alvin Patrimonio, gymnast—turned—taekwondo star Bea Lucero, and swimmers Akiko Thomson and Eric Buhain, are good role models for your children.

Besides, there is no end to the benefit your child will derive from physical activity.  He will get Vitamin D from the sun; the physical exertion will develop his motor skills immensely and improve his overall health.  Whatever the age of the child, his coordination skills suffer when he is not healthy. 

Motor development slows down when the child lacks opportunities to move and act, to train and exercise his body, to practice muscle control and movements.  Encourage your child to get into sports or pursue interests in and out of the house, especially during summer vacation.  Enroll him in any of MILO’s various sports clinics, for example, to keep his busy and healthy.

Idle minds and bodies are a magnet for drug abuse.  Remember the saying, “A sound mind is a sound body”?  Intellectual and physical development go hand in hand.  Both are of equal importance in keeping your child away from the drug menace.

Encourage them to read wholesome books and reading materials.  Above all, be a friend to your child.  Encourage him to be homiest with you about their problems.  Many children and adolescents who turn to drugs do so because they feel they cannot talk to their parents about their problems.

Warning a child once or twice about such a serious issue is not enough.  He cannot absorb the information that quickly.  Children of different ages have different questions and concerns.  As a parent, you must decide when to initiate such a discussion.  But bear in mind that daily warnings are also inadvisable because children soon tire of hearing them.

Helping children learn to protect themselves is a major challenge in parenting.  As a parent, you must help your child feel responsible for his body.  The pride of caring for his body can have a positive influence on every facet of your child’s life.  Self—protection against drugs often involve resisting peer pressure, which requires inner strength.

The drug threat can be minimized in several ways.  One way is to make your child aware of the physical dangers posed by taking prohibited drugs.  Point out to him items in the newspaper regarding the negative impact of drugs, and explain their significance.  However, resist the impulse to lecture your child.  The order they are, the less these children will be open to being lectured.  From age 10, children feel that, although you are their parents, they are developing feelings and opinions that you must respect.  Trust your child to understand once you have explained the situation to him.

Get to know your child’s friends.  Some parents do not like the idea of having their kids bring friends home, but it is much better to have your child’s friends underfoot in your own home, where you can keep an eye on them.  By knowing who your child’s friends are, you are able to tell where he’s associating with good ones or not.

At home, create an environment where your child will feel loved and secured.  This will minimize, if not eliminate, the need for him to turn to external sources of assurance, such as drugs or his peer group, whenever faced with a problem.  Accept your child for what he is and what he can do.  Constantly reassure him of your love and support, no matter what. 

Nowadays, drugs present a key area of potential danger for children.  Many parents are shocked to learn that some elementary school children have already experimented with drugs.

But what is even more alarming is the fact that, these days, it is very easy for children to get hold of drugs.  Rugby, which is sniffed to get a “high”, is available in most groceries and hardware  stores.  Some candies and stickers which not too long ago had been reported to contain drugs like LSD were being sold openly in front of some schools.  Drug pushers and drug-dealing syndicates have even been known to go to the extent of entering the campuses to peddle the drugs directly to the students.

Unsuspecting children, especially adolescents who are at the age when they start to discover things like smoking and drinking, are prey to all sorts of influences in and out school.  Many children have gotten into drugs because of the encouragement of their barkada or peers.  If they don’t bow to peer pressure, they are accused of not being “in” or “cool”.  This could mean alienation which could be disastrous to an adolescent’s sense of belonging.

Faced with a situation like this, most parents—and mothers, especially—wonder how they can keep their children away from drugs.  Peer pressure is a powerful thing, and once under its control, children can do things they know they shouldn’t do.

Remember that children need adult supervision.  More importantly, however, they also need knowledge.  By withholding information and warnings, a parent increases a child’s vulnerability.  You can help your child understand that drugs are harmful to his body. 

Let him know that, although you realize how strong an influence peer pressure can be, it is more important for him to take good care of his body.  Impress in your child that protecting himself is one of his most important jobs, no matter his age.